In which I make Fun of Everything 8-Bit
by Galefire
Summary: Because I can.


_**~*Red, Green, Blue and Yellow*~**_

"….And then, using the Pokemon I shall bestow upon you, you shall go out on a daring journey, fighting evil from the two corners of the earth! And once you have completed your task, I will come and-" Professor Oak's long winded speech was cut of by a very pissy Red.

"Wait, wait, wait, WHAT?!" The protagonist exclaimed, looking horrified. "You expect me, a TEN YEAR OLD BOY, to go out into the world ALONE, FAR AWAY FROM HOME, with no FOOD, WATER or for the love of god a CHANGE OF CLOTHES, surrounded by VICIOUS, UNTAMED CREATURES who will attack me at random, not to mention an EVIL ORAGIZATION full of GROWN-UPS who could KICK THE LIVING SHIT OUT OF ME without even breaking a sweat chasing after me, and my only protection is a TINY, LEVEL FIVE BABY POKEMON?!"

"….Yeah, pretty much." Oak blinked.

"….And you actually though I would AGREE to this?!"

"Well you see," The professor laughed awkwardly, casting a glance to the side. "I kinda thought you were a mute, so you wouldn't really be able to say no."

"…."

"…."

"…YOU'RE A FUCKING ABLEIST!"

Professor Oak gave him a wink. "And proud to be one!"

Red grit his teeth, struggling to contain his rage. "You know what?! NO. Screw you and everything you stand for. I'm going home!"

Just as the boy had turned to leave, the Professor once again spoke up, causing Red to stop in his tracks.

"Actually, I'm afraid you can't leave. Apparently my sexy voice has the power to keep you from going anywhere."

Red was silent, starring at Oak in utter horror, before slowly lifting his middle finger up at him, shaking with rage.

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000

"So, who wants to go first?" Professor Oak asked, looking over the two boys that were locked inside his lab.

"Red does!" Blue chided evilly, pushing the black haired kid in front of him.

"I believe the saying goes, 'ladies first!"" Red hissed, running behind Blue.

Blue smiled warmly, repeating the action. "Oh, but I insist you piece of shit!"

"Not as much as I do, bastard!"

"Oh Red, you are one stupid motherfucker! And that's why I love you!" The spikey haired rival shoved him forwards.

"No homo, right?"

"None."

"'Kay." Red said, expression blank. Walking up to the desk with the Pokballs, he looked each one over carefully, thinking hard. Finally, he made a grab for one of them that was either in the middle or on one of the sides, I'm too lazy to check, and lifted it proudly into the air.

"I got the Squirtle!" He cheered.

"Hey! Hey, listen!" Celebi cried, appearing out of thin air beside him.

"That's a good choice, Red." The professor smiled, before quickly frowning. "BUT IT'S NOT CHARMANDER SO YOUR ARGUMENT IS INVALID "

"Well in that case…." Blue began thoughtfully, walking up to the table with a smirk. "I CHOOSE YOU, BULBA-"

"No." Red cut in, moving Bulbasaur's Pokeball away from his rival. "Bad assface."

"Hey! What the hell?!" Blue exclaimed, swiping the pokeball away from the black haired trainer. "You can't just do that Red! I can choose whatever the hell I want!"

Suddenly, Red pulled a gun out of ABSOLUTELY GODDAMNED NOWHERE, and pointed it at his rival.

"Put the Bulbasaur down. NOW." Red hissed, holding the weapon against Blue's neck.

"But it's in the script!"

"I DON'T GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE SCRIPT! PUT. THE. FUCKING. BULBASAUR. _DOWN." _

"Fine." Blue frowned, dropping the ball, which Red eagerly shoved in his mouth and ate, laughing manically. Suddenly breaking out into a large grin, the rival grabbed another random Pokeball, which, like Celebi, appeared out of thin air. "Then I choose you, Pikachu!"

"Oh what the fu-"

_**~Gold, Silver, Crystal*~**_

"GASPU~!" A random red haired trainer exclaimed, watching his half-dead Tododile fall to the ground, unconscious. "YOU HAZ KNOCKED OUT ME POKEMAN! HUMPH! TOO BAD YOU ARE WEAK!"

Gold raised an eyebrow, retracting the victorious Cyndaquil. "If I'm weak, then what the hell does that make you?"

"HUMPH! I AM TOO SNOBBY AND OBNOXIOUS TO TALK TO YOU! HUMPH! LEAVE MY PRESENSE! …HUMPH!"

"Can you please turn capslock o-"

"MY NAME IS ?!" The trainer, apparently named ? screamed randomly. "AND I'M GOING TO BE THE VERY BEST, LIKE NO ONE EVER WAS!"

"Not with a name like that…." Gold muttered. "Who the hell named you?"

"YOU DO NOT SPEAK OF HIM!" ? yelled, flailing his arms.

"Speak of wh-"

"HUMPH! YOU HAVE GOTTON ON MY BAD SIDE! I'M GOING TO GO KILL SOME SMALL CHILDREN NOW!" The red haired trainer cried, sprinting off into the bushes.

Gold face-palmed. "You do that."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000

"So you say you saw a trainer like that?" The policeman inquired, gazing down suspiciously at the boy.

"That's what I just finished telling you." Gold sighed wistfully.

"Hmm…. Did you happen to get his name?"

"How do you know it was a he?"

The man rolled his eyes. "Can you just tell me before I tazer you?"

Meanwhile, Professor Elm was sobbing pathetically, curled up in a small ball on the floor, sucking away at his thumb.

"I've been deflowered!" He wailed loudly, beating his head on the table leg."

Gold gave him a disgusted look. "Do you even know what that _means?!"_

The professor stopped, eyes growing wide with horror, before he finally cried. "I have no idea!" And went back to sobbing, blowing his nose on Chikorita's leaf.

"Look, can you just give me his name?" The policeman was clearly getting impatient.

"Why are you so god-damned desperate to know it?"

"WOULD YOU JUST FUCKING TELL ME?!"

"Alright alright!" Gold held up his hands defensively. "….It was ?"

The policeman lowered his clipboard. "Excuse me?"

"I said his name was ?."

"….What the fuck? Kid, I DON'T have time for this! Now tell me his name before I kill you and make it look like an accident!"

Gold rolled his eyes. "His name is Assface."

"Thank you, you are an asset to this community."

00000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000000 00000

**Was bored. Wrote this. Merry Christmas.**

**I don't own Pokemon.**


End file.
